New Mom. New Wife. New Me.

All relationships are work.  If someone says they're not, they are flat out lying!

My husband and I have been married since October 16, 2010.  Only about a year and a half.  Once we came home from our honeymoon we found out we were expecting.  We had planned on starting a family right away, but even if a couple is already committed to having a family, it's still a shock when it actually happens!

I have always been a very passionate person in relationships, and I felt like I wasn't receiving the same affection for most of the time I was with my husband, before we even got married.  Why would I have decided to marry him then? Well, I have my excuses...I was young, I had already been with him for three years, I knew he cared about me, he took care of me, my family loves him, I love his family, and we were already so integrated in each other's lives that it felt like getting married was the only choice we had.  I married him for the wrong reasons. It wasn't love that kept us together, it was security.  It's wasn't financial security though, it was the security of knowing we had each other to fill a void.  There was a void in each of us that made us feel like we couldn't live without the other, but we weren't happy either.  We were just stuck in a funk that left us feeling hopeless.

Yesterday I read a play in theatre class that really made me think about being unhappy in relationships.  I know that I have always cared about my husband, but at some point I fell out of love with him.  Through recent events I have begun to be in love with him again, but our separation began because I didn't want to be unhappy anymore.  The play I read in class was about a woman who is oppressed by her husband, not because he is violent or abusive in any other way, but because she allowed herself to be in his shadow.  The story is even more gloomy because she goes insane and hangs her husband...I am NOT saying I'm going to hurt anyone, just that I feel sorry for someone in so much pain, and that I will never live my life like that.  I don't want the marriage or relationship with my husband that I use to have, I want my husband and I to learn and grow through our problems together and end up living happily ever after.

I have always thought that being madly in love meant that there was supposed to be constant romance. I don't believe that one bit anymore.  Romance is amazing, but it does not equate to passion.  Passion must always be in a relationship, but romance is just for fun.  Passion is the fight to stay together.

I've come up with a dorky metaphor for relationship all on my own! I've realized that relationships are like the difference between sugar cookies and chocolate chip cookies...you can be great by yourself, but it's even better with something amazing added.  I feel like there's not a void in my life where someone should be, but that my husband is added to make my life better.  This realization is all I've wanted throughout our separation.

Now I feel that my journey is complete and I'm ready for a new one.  I don't want the same relationship I had with my husband before, I want a new one.

I wanted more validation for my marriage than we are just supposed to be together.  I wanted to feel like there was more to it again.

People can't be stuck in a relationship just because that's what they're supposed to do, they need to have passion, and we lost that for a little while.

Yesterday my husband and I met up for lunch and I asked him to move back.  We are both on the same page and have realized that we mean so much to each other.  I told him about my funny metaphor for relationships, and to poke fun about my finding and to symbolize our reunion, we made some amazing chocolate chip cookies! Just like us, from scratch and used team work!(see, I'm doing it again...those metaphors)