Healthy Lasagna

Healthy Veggie Lasagna

Healthy Veggie Lasagna
Sautéed Veggies -
2 cups eggplant diced
1 ½ red sweet onion diced
2 garlic cloves
2 cups sliced mushrooms (I used bella)
1 small zucchini thinly sliced
¾  of a 1 pound bag of spinach
2 tablespoons cooking oil
Directions:
Get large wok and put oil in on medium high heat.  Put in onions and garlic together and let sit for about 3min.  Stir and put in eggplant, zucchini, mushroom.  Cook until  zucchini is kind of transparent.  Stir in spinach until spinach is soggy and cooked.  Let sit.
Sauce-
3 roma tomatoes diced
2 tablespoons parsley
1 teaspoon fresh oregano
1 tablespoon oil
The rest of the spinach bag
Directions:  Put all into a sauce pan and stir occasionally stir until mixture is thicker.
Cheese mixture:
3 cups lowfat cottage cheese
2 eggs
2 cups shredded mozzarella
2 tablespoons shredded fresh parmesan
Direction:  Mix.
Cook 9 noodles as package directs. Preheat oven at 350*
When everything is cooked, place 3 noodles in a 9x13 bake dish covering the bottom.
Put a small layer of the sauce, cheese mix, and veggies over the noodles.  Put 3 noodles on top of the mixture and repeat putting small layers of each mixtures on top.  Put a final 3 noodles on top and cover with the remaining mixtures.  Bake for 35 min.
Awesome served with a bit of red pepper on top.  And of course some red wine!
Just to think, I had no idea how to cook just a few years ago!

Negative Emotions

Negative Emotions

Negative Emotions
April 26, 2013
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAvzsjcBtx8
This isn’t going to be a rant about how stressed I am currently.  Anger does nothing good for the soul and let’s other’s control your emotions.  No other person should ever have that right.
All through my life I have always tried being a mother to others and have failed.  It has upset me until now because I couldn’t understand why I was failing.  I tried being a mother to my sister, to my friends, to boyfriends, and it really didn’t work.  I want to help people while they are in their worst.  I kept failing because I am not meant to be their mother.   They have mothers.   I realize they too need to go through difficult times their own way, and even when they feel they need somebody to sort out their stuff, they really need themselves.  They need a steady amount of self worth and positivity to get through.  I haven’t gotten as far as I have without help, but I know how to think for myself and am learning to take care of myself.
 I may have sucked at being everybody else’s mom, but I know that I am constantly there for my own son.  I have turned being into a terrible mom for other’s into being a caring and compassionate mother in real life.   I know that we will have problems in the future, but I know that he will love me because I show him love every day.
Somehow throughout the way my thought process became a negative force field.  I’m not sure what happened but my thoughts go through this haziness that takes part of the truth out and creates and new thought.  I don’t know how to describe it any better because it is just as messed up as it sounds.   It’s like there has to be some bad meaning behind everything. 
Physically, I am afraid to cry.  I really feel like I will crumble and there will be nothing left.  A few weeks ago I was telling my health coach about some harder times in my life and he seemed weirded out  that I couldn’t cry.  Tears might be in my eyes, but I don’t cry in front of people.  We discovered that I have problems grieving.  I was dealing with some family moving away and I was upset, but there was no way that I could express it because I was unable to grieve.
We also discussed that the three most important things to focus on in life are:
Exercise- it makes you feel better and makes you healthier (Duh)
Laughing- taking pleasure in all of the little things.  Every time my son does or says something crazy and funny, embrace it.
And Intimacy- there are a ton of different types of intimacy, but it’s all worth focusing on.
I have many things to work on and to improve myself, but understanding where I am going wrong is a key element.  Emotional health is just one way that I need to improve.
“They think of themselves as lazy and lucky.  If they did anything at all, it was so simple that anyone lese could do the same- for all that they have done is to recognize a universal fact of life, something as true of the wear and foolish of the wise and strong.  They would even say that in the respect there is some advantage in being weak and foolish, for the possession of a strong will and a clever head makes some things very difficult to see.”
                                                                                From Become What You Are by Alan Watts, pg. 5

Guilt

Guilt
April 2, 2013
I have an awfully hard time letting go of things.  Especially things that I think I could have done better.  Overcoming guilt is not my forte.  I let others and myself bring me down.  I have started to really get a gauge on why I let guilt rule me.  When I start feeling guilty I need to look at what the true source is, and then I can realize the outer causes of my mind-set.
People will always bring you down.  It is their job and you are meant to stay on your toes.  It’s like a game people play.  Not everyone, just the negative people in your life. Sometimes I just need to figure out if those people are necessary staples or can be ripped out.
Negative people will find anyone to blame.  I have gone through this my whole life, and I would be surprised to find a person who hasn’t.  It can be major issues the person has with me, or things that have nothing to do with them.
My marriage, eating habits, religion, job choice, what I do and don’t do, what I have done, political views, how I raise my child and how I spend my money tend to be exterior people’s business.  I have realized that I don’t have to explain myself.  I am me.  If I chose to marry the person I love, the right people will be there for us.  If my friends are going through a divorce, that doesn’t mean their actions hinder mine. If I am a vegetarian with other limitations on my diet, the right people will make sure I have something to eat.  My child is polite without having to spank him.  The right people have forgiven me for my teen angst issues from my past life, and it seems as though the people I hurt the most I am the closest to. I am content with my life without having others guilt me into acting the way they want me to.  I also have not wronged anybody by taking care of myself.
Sometimes I am the negativity.  Negativity is something I must learn to overcome.  I fill myself with guilt over things I have done but people have long ago forgiven me for.  I also have one of those racing minds which pretend to foresee what is coming, when in reality it will not be that bad.  People will not always look down on me for making my choices, but I might.
Looking deep down into my subconscious is the only way to fully understand why my guilt is there.  Poking at the noise in my head to see if it is myself or others, and to see if there is a real reason for my uneasiness.  I’m learning, but it takes time.

“I am a person who feels guilty for crimes I have not committed, or have not committed in years. The police search the train station for a serial rapist and I cover my face with a newspaper, wondering if maybe I did it in my sleep. The last thing I stole was an eight-track tape, but to this day I’m unable to enter a store without feeling like a shoplifter. It’s all the anxiety with none of the free stuff.”
DAVID SEDARIS, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

Rest in Peace

I texted you last night asking if you were okay.  I might always be waiting for that response.  I know that you are gone, but in my heart I don't believe it.   Looking through Facebook I found out you had died, but I didn't believe it.  That's why I called and left you a message.  That's why I texted you.  Didn't we just talk a few days ago?  Didn't I just hug you a few weeks ago?

This isn't fair.  Fuck you for leaving! We just became friends again after years of avoidance.  You were one of my major "loves" in high school.  You have always meant so much to me.  I really did love you, and still do, just not the same way.  I'm thankful you connected me just one year ago to start our friendship for the second and last time.  You were there for me through so much this passed year, but obviously I couldn't do enough for you.

I'm scared to go to your funeral. Will it be in the same cemetery that we use to tell ghost stories and play 
hide-and-go-seek?  Will your wife be there? The one who has always hated me because we dated?  Will your kids be there?  I don't think I can bare this.

I remember the first time I met you.  Sitting on the couch, my Hawkeye sweatshirt on, and amazed at all the instruments in the garage.  We were seventeen and still fairly innocent.  We both believed in love at first sight.  You played me my favorite songs on the guitar.  You sang to me.  You showed off on the drums.  You called me as soon as my friends and I left and asked me out.  It was great.  Lots of music playing in my moms basement.  Then it was over.

You were so talented and I felt so blessed knowing you even when you were alive.  I've always known you are amazing.  I loved going to your shows and watching your band play! Then when you got done you still wanted to hang out even though there were tons of other people wanting your attention. 

You even befriended my husband because you were happy that I was happy.  That's what true friends do.

Please don't hold it against me if I'm mad at you for a little while.  I will always have love in my heart for you because you are the dearest of friends, but I'm mad that you took my best friend from me. I'm so sorry you were hurting this bad and felt you couldn't talk to me.  I feel that this is my fault because I pushed you away to mend my own problems.  I'm sorry for all of the suffering you endured that made you want to die.  I promise to be your friend when I see you again! 

Until we meet again....

Elaine Geller- Such an amazing woman!!!

Two weeks ago I went to the most inspirational seminar imaginable.  Elaine Geller is the youngest Holocaust survivor and had an amazing story to tell! She overcame such harsh treatment and did what she had to so she could survive.  If you ever have a chance to hear her speak, I highly recommend it! Not only was her story touching, but also made me realize how blessed I am and that if she could live through such terrible circumstances, I can surely get through my troubles. Her seminar really moved me, and here is my Q&A I handed in for class:

Speaker reaction paper

What are the main points of discussion or main arguments that you gleaned from this speaker?

I found different meaningful points on both a historical level and a personal level.  She gave details in great depth about the happenings during the holocaust, but also gave some very insightful advice! She discussed some of the many struggles her family had to come across to survive, and even though I personally am probably never going to experience something at that level of pain, it still can carry over to my life! I can see that where I’m at isn’t such a bad place after all, and that if I try hard enough I can get through too. Also, she spoke of kindness in general. At one point she stated that “you can murder with the mouth over and over again, but with a gun it only takes once”. This really got me thinking about compassion and how if everybody was compassionate we would never have issues like genocide and hate crimes.  Also, that made me want to help in some way, but I realized that before I help the world that I must fix myself.  I can only teach compassion if I understand it myself. I really liked that I had no ideas about what we were going to talk about because I had no preconceived notions and came in with an open mind!

What developmental events or issues of note did you recognize during this presentation?

A part of her story really haunts my mind…The part about the German Shepards trained to hurt the Jewish people and how she can never get over it.  I believe that the horror of the dogs must have harmed her emotional development.

Name one point or argument you agreed with and give your reasons.

At one point she stated “unless you raise your enemy to your level, don’t let them drag you down”.  I loved this! I completely agreed with this because in any scenario with negativity, you must not let the bad things bring you down.  You can’t get anywhere with baggage, so you have to let go of the negativity.

Name one point or argument you disagreed with and give your reasons.

Nothing! I absolutely agreed with her.  I loved her presentation and it really affected me! I want to be a better person so I can help other people be compassionate too!

What surprised you, made you think, or made you want to do more research and give your reasons.

The whole presentation was a surprise! I had no idea that the seminar was about the holocaust and Elaine Gellar was a phenomenal speaker! She was so inspirational and I learned so much from her.  I want to learn more about myself, because I think that through self-discovery I could become more compassionate and help others learn to be more compassionate.

So, if someone can pull through with such unspeakable circumstances, surely we can do it too! Appreciate life with the blessings we have, and to make a difference in the world we must first make a difference in ourselves!

Days Like These

Sometimes it's so hard getting out of bed.  The bed is warm, the air is cold and I lack motivation.  At times I truly feel that I am just going through the motions to get to the end of the day.  I do the bare minimum.  It's not that I hate anything in my life at all and it's too hard to stand, but I'm just lazy.

The best thing for me on days like today is to start of a list.  I write down the specific things that I must do, a few things that I should do, then something I'm excited to do.  I must get through all of the important things first before I get to do what I really want to be doing.  It gives me something to work towards and something to look forward to.

I also must understand that I'm in a crappy mood to change it.  If I know I'm just being bitchy, then it's easier to realize it's only a state of mind.  I pretend I'm happy until I am.  I make the decision to be in a better mood and then can see each of the tasks I must complete as an experience waiting for me.  Then I soon look forward to the whole day.

taken for granted

It is hard to see the ones we care about go through pain.  It pains us just to see that they are sad at all.  Sometimes we can't see the importance of those who mean the most to us until it's too late. Sometimes we don't notice how great of an impact they are until we don't have them.  Maybe it is better to let the relationship crumble to ruins and restart? Or maybe take a step back and enjoy the view for a moment?

People don't always understand the beauty of things right away.  At times we wait for our peers to judge, then we can see things in a better light.  Periodically, we have to be without to truly know the depth of it's potential absence. People have to make mistakes to learn, and without those mistakes acted on, we'd never know what makes us happier.

The French were not as crazy in love with the Eiffel Tower as the rest of the world has become.  They thought is was ugly.  The beauty of the skeletal architecture was unknown because it was misunderstood. The glamor was lost momentarily.  With time the world became madly in love with the tower, even though it's beauty was unseen at first.  Does this happen with love?